Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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