I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
