dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
