Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She needs sedatives and a leash
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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