you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
