we have pet lesbian snakes
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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