"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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