Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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