he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
