Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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