You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
