Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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