On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I will pee on everything he values.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
