Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
farters have to be the big spoon...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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