Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
