i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
