i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
be right there i have to get my cape
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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