"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
