I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
