Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize