i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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