Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Mom said you looked used
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
