I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
