I have demons in me.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize