remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
