i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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