So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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