3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize