the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
