Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
