I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
