man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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