i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
