the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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