stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
