thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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