Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
They took my balls.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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