im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
