Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
