found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
