I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
