Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
