you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
