I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
