plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
