I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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