Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
