You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
either way he was missing a nipple.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
