genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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