margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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