lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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