my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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