his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
