My room smells like vodka and shame
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
