Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's blow job season.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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