I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
