please come you make the beer taste better
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize