You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
