my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
