I accidentally had phone sex last night
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
