If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My ATM looks so different sober.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
