i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
