I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I need a hoe opinion
go on
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
