what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Houston, we have a squirter
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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