the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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