I could make wine with my vomit
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
