I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
