My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just high enough for therapy.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
