This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
