haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
