i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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