i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dicks are not precious.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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