This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
