so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
