So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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