If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
