You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
