oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He's on the porch naked. Help.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
