I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
