I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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