How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
