You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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