1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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