Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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