Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Randomize
