sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
