So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
